God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
