I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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