just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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