i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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