Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
is it fun? or sober?
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