She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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