I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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