OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
