I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
