was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
