she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
