I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
