I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
