I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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