Please, let me fuck your mom
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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