A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He passed out mid-signature
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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