i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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