All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
