Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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