I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
