By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
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He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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