Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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