driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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