I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
