**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
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My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."