either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?