OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.