So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
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i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
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I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.