my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.