Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
