i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
