peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
