lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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