when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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