I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
