but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize