I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
