I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?†This is time sensitive.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
