oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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