so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
