how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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