Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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