i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we're so committed to being not committed
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
