3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
