i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize