i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
