Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
