Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
