You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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