can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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