my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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