Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
