ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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