bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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