Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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