Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
