He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
