I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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