I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
