Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
