I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
