You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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