I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
