im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
