No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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