your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
