I got chris browned last night
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
