You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
