nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
