This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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